Don’t confuse skill and worth

It’s a common problem, especially in women.  To not feel worthy or able to do a job, unless we have all the skills.  Lucky for us, the inability to believe our own worth becomes self fulfilling, in that people cannot imagine us successful in a role.

In reflecting on this challenge, I was remembering times in my life where I doubted my ability to be successful.

Two stories come to mind.

The first was in college.  I had been accepted to the Entrepreneurship program and was required to submit a business plan proposal at the beginning of the term.

I had worked on this proposal all summer, but I had never done something like this before,  and I had no idea what I was doing.  I found myself lying on the bathroom floor in a blubbering heap the night before I was to turn in my work.  I had convinced myself  I got it all wrong and was going to be laughed out of the program.  Of course, my proposal was actually chosen as one to pursue (essentially, the top 50% of those submitted).

My second story, was my first promotion to vice president.  I was not yet 30, and was being asked to manage a development group who were building a product with a  CORBA architecture and a MFC based presentation.  I had no idea what either of those things were, and I was completely convinced I was going to fail.

Lucky for me, I had a mentor who stopped me cold with his reply to my claim that I was not capable of doing the job.  He said:

I would rather have you managing this project not knowing the technology Meg, than having a technical expert who doesn’t know how to manage.

That belief  taught me something very powerful, knowing that I needed specific skills was helpful, but my doubting I could do the job, was not.

Armed with this belief, I set about to gain the skills I needed.  I can now  sound very smart (and out of date) talking about how CORBA helped  further the cause of Object Oriented Programming.

The lesson is, that if you need skills, quit stressing and get them.

If you need strengths, find someone who has them and befriend them.

If you are doubting your worth, stop, it’s not helping you!

w00t!

Got this in the old email while I was on vacation (of course this is an abbreviated copy and the pretty red/bold is my creative license)

TEDActive 2010 Approval – Meg Bear
Dear Meg Bear,

I am pleased to tell you that your TEDActive 2010 Membership request has been approved. This includes the conference being held in Palm Springs, California from February 9-13, 2010.

Thank you so much for being part of TED. We are delighted you will be joining us in Palm Springs.

Very best wishes,

- Chris

Chris Anderson • Curator • TED • “Ideas Worth Spreading” • www.ted.com <http://www.ted.com>

I’d like to take a quick moment to express my thanks and give a little We did it cheer.  To everyone who helped, supported, tolerated or just didn’t laugh.

Thanks so much!

Of course, you can expect the full report on the event after it’s over.

Networking made easy

As you might recall I made a personal goal this year to do a better job networking. 

As I do, I have been working on this a lot in a very deliberate and focused way.  Sometimes it’s been great, other times marginal, but I have made progress. 

I know that I’m not alone in struggling with the part of me that likes substance over flash.

I have never been one to have a lot of casual friends.  I guess you could say I’m an acquired taste.  I become more interesting and useful when people know me well, at first glance I’m either just too much or not very interesting. 

I also really enjoy the kind of trust and collaboration that comes from a close relationship, so surface and casual relationships seem a luxury that I don’t have time for (read I’m too lazy to bother).

In my quest to find a way to network that would work for me, I got some great help from Patty’s workshop.  I was very happy to see that she put this down in a blog for others who struggle in a similar fashion.  So for those of you who would prefer to hide in your office instead of going to a networking event I strongly suggest you read this Authentic Networking post.   I promise it will give you a whole new perspective on the idea of networking.

The key message can be found here:

Instead of thinking about networking success in terms of the number of people you meet at networking events, or getting big numbers on LinkedIn or twitter, think about Authentic Networking as making real connections with people that you would actually like to meet. 

Bingo! 

No longer am I stressed to meet a lot of people.  Instead I’m targeting getting to know better people who interest me.  After I accomplish that, I’ll move on to finding new people who interest me and lather-rinse-repeat. 

As a bonus, I have really been enjoying this goal.  Who knew?

What is a reasonable time to competence?

Without a doubt acquiring a new skill is hard.  It takes time, practice and a willingness to fail.  I do not want to suggest that you should only attempt those things that you already know or do well.  That is just silly.

You should challenge yourself every day to try new things and learn new skills, just remember that some skills might not be within reach for you.    You might gain a basic level of competence after a lot of hard work but for some things you will never be outstanding.

This is a universal truth [always remember you are unique, just like everyone else].

So what happens when you are not gaining a job critical competency?  When you find yourself unable to get to an appropriate level of competence in a reasonable amount of time (as evidenced by lackluster performance feedback)  you should probably take a step back and regroup moment.

I’d like to say again, that if you do not have a good job fit you will not be top Talent.

Putting it another way, when you have a bad job fit you are probably getting labeled as a “poor performer”.  If you find yourself in a second performance discussion where the topic is does not meet expectations* I think it’s time to take a serious look at the question of job fit.

Instead of going down the mental path of inadequacy and low self esteem, take a moment and find your strengths (you can get help doing this for approx $14, well worth the investment) and then have a hard look at your job.  Is the job you are doing playing to your strengths (I’m going to take a wild guess that there might be a mismatch)?

Now comes the brave part.

Instead of just having yet another discussion with your boss about your lack of competence, do the adult thing and work with her to see if there is a better way to define your job to play to your strengths.

If this is not possible, you probably need to start thinking about getting a different role somewhere else.

If you don’t take action, you are probably going to live forever in the bottom left box of the Talent 9-box, and I promise you that is not the zip code in which you want to reside.

____________

*Also be on the look out for does not meet feedback hidden under a meets expectations rating, this happens more than I care to acknowledge.

Asking for help

These last two weeks I’ve been asking for a lot of help.  I thought it might be a good idea to give some tips on the subject, for those of you who might find the process troubling or intimidating.

Here are a few tips I’ve learned that can increase the probability of getting the help you need to succeed.

1. Getting help is a bit of a numbers game.  Be willing to ask for help early and often.  Recognize that people do not often say “no” they just fail to come through.   This is part of the process and is nothing to be discouraged about.  It is also nothing to hold against people.  Best to assume that they would help you if they could and that their lack of help reflects upon the fact that you might have asked the wrong thing to the wrong person.
2. Target your requests.  Do not ask a large group as your only strategy.  This *might* work but it probably won’t.  Better to split up what you need and distribute it out as specific requests to one or two people at a time.  Make the request specific and direct to an individual and they are much more likely to know what you need from them and are often more able to help you.
3. It works the best when you ask people to do something they are good at.  This will mean it doesn’t require a lot from them, and it gives you a large benefit.  This is another example of leveraging strengths.
4. Be thankful.  When you get help remember to let people know you are grateful and that they made a difference in your life.
5. Be helpful yourself. Giving back helping others with things that you know and are good at, is the best way to have people wanting to help you when you need it most.

The interesting thing about helping others is that it reflects well upon you and it makes you feel good.  On the other hand, getting help from others also feels really great.

So for everyone who has helped me get this TED application completed (and you know who you are) I am so very grateful. Please do allow me to return the favor when you need access to one of my strengths, it’s the least I can do.

Need your help achieving my dream

Sure this dream is not really on a par with Martin Luther King Jr. or anything, but it’s still a dream.

I really want to get to a TED Conference in person.  I mentioned this here and here.

Yes, I know this is totally out of my league, and yet I also know that this is something that will be life changing for me and overall a good idea.

Here is the why something like TED is a uniquely good idea for me

• I love looking at things in a new way — most things I’ve seen recently that have really gotten me thinking have been from TED
• I love the energy and thinking I do at conferences.  There is something in the process that really works for me.  I get most all my big ideas at conferences and it’s almost always the sum of a lot of little inputs vs. just one talk or presentation or person
• I love learning new stuff – I really thrive on gathering new ideas, facts, etc
• I use what I learn in action-oriented, creative ways.  I make connections others don’t and use those connections to do something specific, concrete and useful.
• I share what I learn.  I blog it, I talk about it I send emails that simultaneously blow peoples minds and bore them to tears.

Sure, all the above bullets probably cement my brand as a geek but I’m no longer in middle school and I think being a geek is cool.

Here’s what I’m not

Particularly well connected in a way that would get me to TED and I’m also not the best essay writer.

Here’s what I’ve done.

1. Joined the Online Community
2. Started following the TED twitter accounts here and here
3. Subscribed to the blog
4. Printed out the application and freaked out
5. Targeted the TedActive conference since a) it’s still open for 2010 registration and b) I suspect it’s a little more open to “unknowns”

Here’s what I need

1. Some good suggestions on how to best “stand out” with the questions below
2. Ideas on things I could do in addition to the list above
3. Someone(s) to review my profile and give me ideas to make it better, especially looking for things I’ve left off
4. An idea on how to pick references (I need two).   What kind of references would appeal to the people deciding Ted attendance?

Here is the application questions (remember I want suggestions that are true about me, I’m not looking for textbook perfect answers or anything just better ways to describe me)

1. If a friend were to describe your accomplishments in up to three sentences what would s/he say?
2. What other achievements would you like to share?
3. What are you passionate about (work, creative output, issues, communities…)
4. What do we need to know about you that we didn’t ask?
5. (Optional) Can you share a memorable anecdote from your life that will give us a further sense of what makes you tick?

Thanks in advance for helping with Team Meg!  Direct email responses are also welcome.

You really like us!

Oh my goodness.  Our friends at FOT have done it again.  They have set a new challenge for Talent bloggers using scientific methods no doubt, and TalentedApps came into the top 30.

Those of you who remember our Cinderella story of yore, will know that we are especially excited that we didn’t have to beg friends and family to vote for us.  (instead we’ve just been begging them to read our stuff which frankly, seems fair…)

Do go check out our friends at FOT, as well as the rest of the rated blogs.  We at TalentedApps, are amazed and honored to be included with such a group.

Fixing flaws might require help

Amy’s post suggested that we cannot actually ignore our flaws, if they are holding us back, we have to fix them.   I’m sure we all know that is hard.

I have recently decided that one of the reasons it’s hard, is that we keep trying to fix the problem the same way, decide it doesn’t work, and get into a frustration loop.

To illustrate my point, I have another great “Meg can be clueless sometimes” story.  What can I say?  As the heroine in my own novel, I’m a walking wealth of material.

One of the problems with blogging,  is that people might expect you to have decent grasp of grammar.  In my case, I have two fundamental issues with grammar, well, other than never actually “getting it”.

First, I am a bad speller.  This isn’t too big of a problem since there is spellcheck.  This catches the majority of the issues for me and the rest I blame on typos.

Second, I forget things like commas.  This I [mostly] solve by adding a lot of them randomly prior to publish,  hoping no one will notice those that are misplaced and/or missing. [Seriously, the edit process for me typically involves inserting a handful of commas and hoping for the best].

I am also on the lookout for rationalization opportunities, so god bless Penelope Trunk, who told me it’s not important.

Here is the problem, sometimes flaws  sneak out even when we try to mask them.   One of my grammar problems was kindly pointed out to me by my buddy Marcie.  The problem was, my seeming lack of comprehension of a difference between then and than.  Well more accurately, I didn’t seem to realize there were two different words, I only seemed to acknowledge the existence of then [since all coders know it could never be if/than (!)].    Marcie was even nice enough to give me dictionary links to both words, attempting to help me fix this problem.

OK, so now I knew of a problem and was intent to fix it, but I soon realized that the definitions didn’t help me.

In an attempt do something,  I first tried getting comfortable with the word than.  Since it had been under served in the past, I promoted it to prime time and used it instead.  Interestingly, more people noticed that mistake (I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has this problem) and now I was getting more frequent you keep using that word notes.

As I do, I started to ask for more people to help me figure this out (and fix it) and my buddy Louise, made an interesting observation that: Americans pronunciation of then and than are almost identical.

As an auditory learner, I have actually managed to merge the two words into one in my own head.  In fact, the majority of my spelling problems are not really phonics problems as I had always thought, they are pronunciation problems.

When I started hearing Louise’s voice saying then vs. than in my head (yes there are a LOT of voices in my head, don’t judge!) I was on my way to being fixed.  I now read the word correctly, and therefore have context understanding that I can use to my benefit.

The point of this post, is not to bore you with the inner workings of the voices in my head, but to suggest that sorting out the root of the problem, for you, can be very helpful in finding a fix that actually works.

Odds are, the only way you can get to that is getting observations from others, since you are probably not aware of what you are doing in the first place.  Just more evidence that you really do need a team you to help you succeed.

Oh, and now that I’m on to this pronounciation thing, I’m going to take another swing at affect vs. effect (which both sound like uh-fect in my world).  I’m going to give them a long “a” and a long “e” sound and see if I can’t suss out a way to ever use the word affect correctly.    Can’t hurt to try.

Feminist serendipity

Believe it or not I try to shy away from a feminist agenda with my blogging.  Typically I only resort to it when I’m completely lost for material.    This week, I couldn’t help but wonder what the world was up to when I found myself stumbling upon several items covering the topic.

So I put my dilemma out to my friends and everyone said I should give it a go.  So here you are, what I’ve learned this week about Women and leadership.

First from our friends at Forbes.com they cover the top 10 unwritten rules for working women.  My take away from this one is that the speak up more advice should go double for women.

Next, thanks to @LexyMartin for pointing to the Shriver Report that shows that today women are more than 50% of the workforce (up from 1/3 in 1967) and that in 2/3 of the families women are primary or co-breadwinners, in other words, we are not just working in larger numbers, we need to be working to make ends meet.  The recession is making it more pronounced when 3/4 of the jobs lost since Dec 2007 have been by men.  In addition women are getting equal (or better) opportunities when it comes to education.

Women receive 52 percent of high school diplomas, 62 percent of associate’s degrees, 57 percent of bachelor’s degrees and 50 percent of doctoral degrees and professional degrees.

Next, I read the McKinsey report on Centered Leadership where they had some excellent advice for professional women in leadership. I really loved the charter of this study

Women start careers in business and other professions with the same level of intelligence, education, and commitment as men. Yet comparatively few reach the top echelons.

This gap matters not only because the familiar glass ceiling is unfair, but also because the world has an increasingly urgent need for more leaders. All men and women with the brains, the desire, and the perseverance to lead should be encouraged to fulfill their potential and leave their mark.

The five broad dimensions they cover include

• Find your strengths and put them to work for you
• Manage your energy
• Positive framing, adopting a more constructive view of your world
• Expand your horizons, Gain the resilience to move ahead
• Connecting, identify who can help you and build stronger relationships
• Engaging –  finding your voice, take risks, accept opportunities

And finally the October version of the Talent Management magazine has it’s cover article titled “It’s a man’s world” where they make the assertion that a “female friendly company” is more gender balanced, having, on average 52% women employees vs. 38% in a male dominated firm.  It also suggests that you must deliberately fill the pipeline with women.

So where do I find myself as a result of all this reading?

Probably back where I started actually.  I am inclined to tell my girls how lucky they are to be young now.  That the opportunities for girls are greater today than ever before.  I also think that it is up to those of us in the workforce today, to continue to re-define the stereotype of what it means to be a working woman, mother, etc.

I believe that those strong women who have made the leap from worker-bee to leader, from doer to thinker have done all women a service.  I think that each of us have a responsibility to use our talents to the fullest, to continue to make progress for all women and to set new examples for the next generation about women in leadership.

Anything else is just complaining.

What do you think?

Good management is not about being fair

I must first confess that fairness is not a core value of mine.  I know people for which being fair is important, but I’ve never experienced or expected fairness, so I do not empathize that need.  If fairness is an important core value of yours, it might be best to just skip this post and come back another day.

That’s not to say that people were especially mean to me or anything, it’s just that I’m the youngest, and in that role you learn rather quickly that life is not fair.  You are slower, you are not old enough, you are not invited, etc. etc.  Now, as a parent of two, I realize that fair is the least common denominator solution (and one I confess I resort to a lot more in parenting than I do in management but that is a different blog!).

As a manager, I do not believe that fairness is the goal.  I believe job fit and outstanding performance are.  To that end, I look to find what works with each person, and attempt to give them what they need to be their best.

Since management is about working with people and not robots, it is logical that what each person needs is not going to be the same.

When you come to terms with the fact that you are not attempting to be fair, you are let loose of a lot of unnecessary baggage with management.  You start focusing on doing the right thing and recognize that what is right, can be different for different people.

Is it easier to be fair.  Sure it is, but it is often much less effective.